Have you ever wondered about the link between science and human behaviour? Dr Camilla Pang (Millie) explores the intersection between scientific principles including proteins, machine learning, and molecular chemistry with human behaviour to provide an essential and enlightening guide to understanding the world around us. Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder at age eight (later with ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder), Millie struggled to comprehend the world around her and created a blueprint to dismantle our social customs and identify what it really means to be human using the language of science. The fruition is this book that is part memoir, part instruction manual and a love letter to science while illuminating the power of being on the autism spectrum — a must-read for all of us, whether neurotypical or neurodiverse.
At the core of this memoir is an exposition of human nature written from the perspective of an individual who always felt like she was on the outside looking in. Being on the autism spectrum, Millie realized at a young age that she felt like a stranger in her own species, someone who understood the words but couldn’t speak the language. Whilst she was initially confronted with the fear of human connection, this book is a joyous ode to the fact that “being out of place also means you are in your own world where you are free to make the rules.” The application of science to the problems of human relationships is refreshing, Millie doesn’t use scientific jargon — instead, she explains scientific concepts in layman terms to link to the perils of perfectionism and the pitfalls of social etiquette.
On thinking outside the box, Millie likens the process of decision-making to machine learning, where “algorithms excel by their ability to be unstructured, to thrive amid complexity and randomness and respond effectively to changes in circumstances.” This scientific principle can be applied to our decision-making, where thinking in boxes limits the range of possible outcomes; hitting goals requires the ability to keep challenging yourself to get out of static and inflexible boxes as life is dynamic and constantly changing. By drawing the connection between machine learning and decision-making, Millie concludes that machine learning teaches us that ‘mistakes’ are normal and inherent in real data, therefore we should embrace instead of run away from the mistakes and setbacks in our own lives.
One of my favourite aspects of this book is Millie’s unabashed celebration of our uniqueness as human beings. Too often, we succumb to our desire for conformity in order to be positively judged by others which overrides the necessity of effective communication. To disrupt our warped perception of social norms, Millie introduces us to the protein model of teamwork where unlike people, proteins recognise and respect the need for difference and in turn, we should also learn to embrace and harness our true personality rather than denying or masking it. The protein model is an invaluable life lesson — teaching us that individuality is fundamental to effective teamwork and all we need to do is trust more in our personality and perspective to short-circuit many of the inhibitions that hold us back.
This book is a fascinating guide on how to lead a more connected, happier life. Millie uses covalent (stability through sharing) and ionic (attraction of differences) to define human relationships — our desire for connection is similar to the exchange of electrons essential for chemical bonding, where one can both be too distant and too close to form an effective, stable relationship. Millie reflects that our relationships (just like bonds) go through changes in circumstances, whether they are strong enough to survive depends on both the nature of the bond and degree of change. However, she comes to the conclusion that no relationship is more crucial or rewarding than the one we have with ourselves, writing that “humans may be used to connect, but there is a limit to how much we can offer other people without eroding the strong force that protects our own personality, needs and identity”.
Even if you have no interest in science, Millie’s ruminations and golden nuggets of wisdom about resolving our deep-rooted problems with ourselves and our environment make this book unputdownable. Her perspective is insightful, humorous and belies a sense of confidence and depth of understanding in herself. Her advice is a source of empowerment, as she encourages us to “forget about perfect when it comes to new social and professional situations, instead focus on lowering your error count and counting the little things you have achieved” as “even if you get it wrong, the effort of having tried is itself worth something”. There’s no need for flourishing, lyrical language as Millie lies out the logical, practical blueprint to which we can lead a more meaningful, happier life — that is perhaps the true genius of this memoir.
Ultimately, we are all striving to achieve a sense of fulfilment and purpose in our lives — this first requires an understanding of who we are. Millie’s memoir is relatable and original, littered with anecdotes and scientific principles to guide us to a better understanding of what it really means to be human. Although she experienced social alienation due to being on the autism spectrum, Millie’s voice is clear and optimistic — setting an example for all of us on how to live our best lives. After all, living according to someone’s else benchmark is a bit like eating with their spoon, it never tastes right.
